Never Letting Go
by theprotego
Summary: Lydia stumbles upon Stiles and Malia together, and is unable to understand why it bothers her so much.


It was a long time since Lydia Martin had attended school, what with chasing after the nogitsune and all that. She was craving for just one _normal_ day, one day of peace and calm, without having her emotions go up and down as if they were on a roller coaster. Alison's and Aiden's death was like a big empty hole that kept eating her up from within, but she tried not to keep thinking about it. She was not one to go around crying and depressed, even though she was feeling that way inside. She had to shut all the pain out. Like she always did.

And so, even though she was tearing up inside, missing her best friend and her ex-boyfriend, she kept her head high and her heels higher, and went on with life. And life, at this point, included going to school.

"Hi Scott," she said, spotting Scott MacCall striding into the hallway, bag slung over his shoulders. "Hi Isaac," she added, as Isaac Lahey strode in after him.

"Hey Lydia." Scott said, with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. Alison's death had affected him the most. He looked sober all the time now. Isaac gave her a polite nod. Him too, she thought.

"So, er- " she looked around for things to say. "Wait, where's Stiles? Didn't he come with you, Scott?"

"He did. But he went off on his own once we reached school." Said Scott.

A sudden image of a sneering, wicked Stiles breathing down her neck flashed in her mind. That wasn't Stiles, she reminded herself. "Should we be worried?" she said out loud.

"Nah" muttered Scott. "He's totally fine."

"Okay then. It's time for class. We should get going."

They walked into class and took their usual seats. Alison's empty seat silently screamed out her absence. Lydia tried to ignore it. They couldn't hear it like she could. Lydia looked around. It seemed like everyone was going on with their normal daily lives. But she felt so alone. She'd never felt this alone before. How was she going to get along without Alison by her side? She felt her lips quiver slightly, threatening to let out a sob. _No, no, no, no –_

"Hi Lydia!" she was shaken out of her reverie by a familiar voice. Stiles. He took his seat next to hers, and smiled. The red bags under is eyes were almost gone, and after a long time, he seemed himself again. She stopped herself before smiling back at him.

"Hi Stiles." She said.

"So." He said, evidently looking for things to say to break the slightly awkward silence. "How're you doing?"

Lydia gave him a scathing look. Like, really? _How're you doing? _ No one had asked her that in days, not even her mom. Well, no one had really cared how she'd been doing, actually. The teacher walked in then, and she was saved from answering his question.

She expected Stiles to ask her again, or say something else, like he always did, but he didn't today. He turned to face the board, and slumped in his seat.

Lunch.

Lydia closed the door of her locker shut, and then looked around. People were bustling about up and down, and again she found herself thinking how everyone was going on with their lives, unaffected, like she was by this big, gaping hole. As she watched, the noises around her seemed to get louder and louder. _Oh no, not this again._ She didn't know what to do. She didn't know where to go. Suddenly, Alison's death was screaming at her in the face.

She started, and ran out of the corridor. She had to get into an empty room, and calm down. And take a few deep breaths. She stumbled into the first relatively empty corridor she found. The Chemistry Lab! That was bound to be empty now. She burst into the room, and her jaw dropped with shock.

Nothing had prepared her for this.

Stiles and Malia let go of each other immediately, and Stiles gave her a very awkward smile.

"Lydia, hi!" said Stiles in an overly cheerful voice. Like he'd just bumped into her at the hall or something. "We were just- uh- nothing- well, um, yeah –"

Malia just stood there, the first few buttons of her shirt still open.

It was like someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on her face. That's how Lydia felt. And she didn't even know _why_ she felt like that. She took a moment to rearrange her facial expression into one of cold indifference, before saying. "Oops. I'm sorry. But carry on, don't let me spoil your fun."

She gave Malia the sweetest smile that was possible for her to give, turned on her heel and walked out, banging the door close behind her.

For some reason, walking in on Stiles and Malia had been like a slap on her face, and she felt weirdly hurt. It had shaken her out of her sudden panic of loneliness, but now that was beginning to creep in again. She desperately needed someone to be with, to just talk to, normally. So that she didn't have to walk around in the crowded halls alone.

Through the crowd, she spotted Isaac, his forehead resting on his locker door, eyes closed. She made her way toward him, and said, "Isaac?"

He jumped. "Huh? Oh, hi Lydia."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he said, "Yeah, Im good. Just a bit sleep-deprived."

"Oh." She said. "Let's go get some lunch together?"

He smiled a bit and nodded. "Okay."

Ten minutes later, they were searching for a table to sit at when they spotted Scott waving to them. They joined him and Kira at their table, and in a few minutes were joined by Ethan.

The conversation was a little more subdued than always, but it was still all of them together. Lydia smiled. She didn't feel so alone anymore. They had each other.

Stiles crashed down beside Scott and began wolfing down lunch after a precursory "Hey there" to everyone. Lydia couldn't seem to be able to look him in the eye, but he didn't notice. He was behaving as if everything was okay between them. But everything _was_ okay between them, right? She asked herself. She's just seen him kissing Malia, so what? Not like it bothered _her._ Why should it?

She watched Styles wolf down his lunch, and somehow it was making her angrier and angrier by the minute. _It isn't fair._

She stood up suddenly, and said, "Uh, I've got to go."

"Where?" asked Scott. Stiles was looking at her curiously.

"Um, class. I- I have some work to do, I forgot. See you later!" And she left before anyone could say or ask anything else.

She'd hardly walked out of the canteen when she heard a voice call after her. "Lydia, wait!"

She rolled her eyes, exasperated. "What _is it_ Stiles?"

He caught up with her panting. "Wow, you seem pretty pissed. Why'd you walk off like that?"

"Because." She said, folding her arms. "I said I have some work to do."

"What work? I can help you."

She rolled her eyes at him. "No, you don't need to. You're too busy with Malia, anyway." She'd already said it before she realised she'd said it. She quickly added, "And besides I don't need _your_ help. So thanks, but no thanks."

Stiles jaw dropped. Lydia gave him forced smile and began walking away, but he followed her.

"I'm too busy with Malia?" he repeated. "What? What does that even mean? Lydia, wait! Hey, Lydia-wait."

He stood in front of her, putting his hands on her shoulders to make her stop.

"_What_?" she asked him.

He took his hands off.

"What do you mean I'm too busy with Malia?"

"Stiles, I have no time for this-" Lydia stopped when she saw that a slow smile was creeping up on Stiles' face.

"Wait, you aren't _jealous_ or something, are you?" he asked.

Lydia's heart started thudding faster. _Ugh_, she thought. _Why am I acting this way?_

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Oh, don't flatter yourself. Goodbye."

She pushed him aside and began to walk away again, but not before she heard him say, "Lydia, even if I was the busiest guy on this planet, I'd always find time to help you. No matter what."

She walked away pretending she didn't hear.

Lydia couldn't wait to get out of school, to go home, to be in _any_ place where she didn't have to see Stiles. She didn't even know why she was so mad at him.

Maybe it was just that she was so used to the fact that he was always around her, following her, talking to her non-stop that seeing him with someone else made her feel weird. And angry?

She shook her head and started walking faster across the parking lot when she saw a different car parked in Alison's usual spot. Who's car could that be? On getting closer to it, she could discern people in the car. She looked closer.

Malia and Stiles. It was probably Malia's car. And no prizes for guessing why Stiles was sitting in it. In spite of herself, Lydia slowed down as she passed by the car to get a quick look at them. They seemed to be in the middle of a serious conversation.

She looked away, rolling her eyes and got to her car. The faster she left this place, the better she'd feel.

"You're the only one I can actually talk to, you know?" Lydia told Prada as she petted her little dog. "I don't even know what got into me today. I _hate_ this feeling."

Prada jumped out from her arms and ran out of her room, and Lydia slumped down in her bed.

The vision of Stiles and Malia in the chemistry lab kept coming back to her. Stiles had always been there for her, and she'd gotten so used to it, that she never even realised she was used to it. And he'd always been ready to do _any_thing for her. And Lydia knew, that as his friend, she would be ready to do anything for him as well – although she was never going to admit that to any living soul. But she hated the fact that it bothered her – seeing him with someone else bothered her. It shouldn't be bothering her, but it _did_.

She got up and found Prada. It was time to let her out for her evening walk. Prada scampered out through the gate, and Lydia stood near the pool, the light breeze playing with her strawberry blonde hair. She was staring into the blue depths of the pool, immersed in thought, when the creaking of the gate made her look up.

"What're you doing here?" she asked in disbelief.

Stiles walked up to her. "What's up Lydia?" he smiled nervously.

She crossed her arms and gave him a look.

"Um, I just came to check up on you."

"What're you, my doctor?" she snapped. She didn't feel like being particularly polite to him.

"No, I'm your friend." He stopped smiling and his face went all serious. Since the nogitsune episode, and with the death of Alison and Aiden adding to it, Stiles had become a bit more of a serious person.

"And you can tell me if something's wrong. And obviously, something _is_ wrong, because not only have you been indifferent to my presence today – like you always are – its like you were purposely trying to avoid me. Like, like you couldn't stand the sight of me."

Lydia swallowed, but tried to keep a cool expression. "Oh please-"

"Don't-" Stiles caught her wrist before she could turn and walk away. "Don't leave me hanging, Lydia."

His grip was tight, but not hurtful. The cool expression was gone, she couldn't hide anything anymore.

"Let me go." she said, glaring at him. He released her and said, "No."

She stared at him.

"Lydia, you have to understand-" Stiles was looking into her eyes "I will never be able to let you go. And you can walk over me, ignore me, be pissed at me, avoid me – do whatever you want to me- but that's not going to change. Because I know better than _anybody_ that Lydia Martin is the nicest, kindest, smartest girl, but she tries to hide it by pretending she is something else. Why?"

Lydia stared at him, and unwillingly tears began to sparkle in her eyes. It wasn't fair that he could stand there and say all those things that she knew were true.

"I'm CONFUSED!" she yelled. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. "My best friend died! My boyfriend died! And you- you were possessed by some stupid Japanese demon and – and I was going _insane_, alright? I know everyone's going through a tough time, and I don't want to say anything but here I am rambling on and on about myself! Everything's changing so fast, and I'm not able to keep up with it – and then I see you, and Malia, and – I don't know why it hurt, but it hurt, Stiles! I don't want to be this crying, useless, lonely girl, it's not me- it's-"

And at that moment, Stiles pulled her into him, and kissed her lips. Lydia's brain froze. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him. Lydia could feel his heart beating under her palm, the warmth of his body, the softness of his shirt, the feel of his hands around her waist –secure and comforting. No. It wasn't possible, something had to go wrong, nothing good ever lasted, did it? Before she knew what she was doing, she pushed him away roughly, his arms breaking away from her.

"What are you _doing_?" she asked him, her eyes round as saucers. Her heart was still racing, and her face was hot, she could feel it.

"Um- I- uh.." Stiles looked shocked and hurt. "Nothing.. I- was-" he shrugged. "I'm sorry." His voice sounded guilty . "I was just about to leave." He turned around and walked away.

Lydia watched him go, her hand unconsciously going to her lips, where Stiles' lips had touched her. No one had kissed her like that before. No one had _held_ her like that before. He'd held her like he'd wanted to never, ever let go of her. Like she was the most precious thing in the world to him.

Lydia had had lots of boyfriends, but she'd never been kissed like this. This – this was something else. She looked at Stile walking away from her, and suddenly it struck her.

Stiles loved her. He truly _loved _her, like no one else had. The thought made her smile, a warm feeling rushing through her body. A warm, happy feeling. She felt happy that he loved her.

She ran to her gate and peeped out. Stiles was walking down the pavement, towards his jeep.

"Stiles!" she called, and he turned around immediately at the sound of her voice.

She began to walk toward him, taking long, confident strides, although inside, her heart was beating madly. Stiles looked puzzled as he saw her approaching him.

He seemed so far away, and she began to walk faster and faster until she was running. Stiles' eyes were fixed on her face, and they grew round with shock and surprise when she came crashing into him, threw her hands around his neck and kissed him full on the mouth. At first, he couldn't believe that it was actually happening, but then he realised that it was Lydia – _Lydia _- and Lydia was kissing him.

_Lydia was kissing him._

He picked her up, off the ground, and she wrapped her legs around him, and kissed him some more, until they finally broke apart, laughing.

"Lydia, I-"

"I love you, Stiles." She said, looking into his brown eyes. "I love you for loving me the way you do."


End file.
